Gomery Report: Flaccid Tyranny in Action

Talk about a lame attempt at manufacturing drama for a case that was over before it began: CBC.com reports

"Prime Minister Paul Martin and his key advisors will spend Halloween poring over an advance copy of the Gomery report trying to decide if the document will resurrect the ghosts of the sponsorship scandal.

"Justice John Gomery sent a copy of his first report to the prime minister on Monday evening, giving him 16-hours lead time before releasing it to the Canadian public.

At best -- at absolutely the most gruesome and outlandish and absurd, the Gomery Report will contain a few feather-duster-spankings for a few low-level politicians and ad execs. More likely, amid the muddle of tepid blame-laying no one will be held responsible in any meaningful way for this blighted incident.

The only reason Paul Martin & Co. will be "poring over an advance copy of the Gomery Report" is if they have organized a drinking game that requires them to have a shot of liquor every time someone else is blamed for their misdeeds. I anticipate numerous hangovers in Ottawa tomorrow, but no justice-induced cold sweats or furrowed brows.

The American comic George Carlin once pointed out that he never bashes politicians in his comedy. His reason? "This is the best we can do," he says. And the same can be said for Canada. Complain as we do about the debacle that has been the Liberal leadership over the past dozen years, this is the best Canada can do as far as governing itself. These swine we send to Ottawa are the best we have for the jobs. Where are the people of conscience? Where are the people with integrity? Doing something else -- staying the hell away from Ottawa.

So, let's can the phony theatrics regarding the Gomery Report. No one gives a shit, no one will be held accountable, no heads will roll, no drums will roll, no justice will be meted out, and nothing in Ottawa will change the slightest.

Cynicism? No. If I were a cynic I'd be running for public office. I'm just another dyspeptic voter looking for footholds in the deepening fissures of Canada's governmental citadel. We must throw these bums out, we must overhaul our system, we must take a stand against stupidity, wastefulness, and incompetence. Eradicating all three of these in one fell-swoop would cause Canada to fold entirely. We must choose our targets and be decisive and deadly with our blows.

I'm sick of watching assholes rule my country.

Ottawa to unveil revamped immigration rules to cut backlogs

Canada to ease way for 700,000

But can Canada absorb this many taxi drivers? Since it's a matter of Canadian policy not to allow professionals from other countries to work in their professions in this country -- or even prove their apptitude or take equivalency examinations -- we're either set to dramatically increase our welfare rolls or see the first Taxi Driver Revolution of the 21st Century.

It is time to flood Immigration Minister Joe Volpe with email (Minister@cic.gc.ca) faxes (613-992-9791) and letters about the general insanity, inanity, and incompetency of his department's policies. (Heads-up for you Joe: I will not accept the reply "Well, the previous head of whatever department I'm currently heading made all these policies and my hands are tied." That will not fly.)

I'm not saying don't let immigrants into Canada, nor am I saying send back the people who are currently being ground into paste by our bureacratic gears. I'm saying, let the doctors coming to Canada be doctors, let the engineers be engineers, etc. Currently the law is "No Canadian experience -- no job." I believe in equivalency examinations and apptitude tests, and the general verifying of professionals' credentials before we allow them to build skyscrapers or cut into a sick patient's body. However, there is currently no such system in place, and there should be.

However

"We have to start thinking about the Immigration Department as a recruiting vehicle for Canada's demographic and labour market needs ..... we are the lungs of the country," said Mr. Volpe in an interview with Globe & Mail. "We are producing more jobs than the labour market has workers for. ..... We're desperate for immigration."

As an unemployed IT worker for the past 15 months, I must wonder aloud (and angrily) where the fuck are these jobs in the labour market? The Canadian Immigration solution is to import people and export jobs (actually, I guess, the second part of this equation would more likely be under the purview of Industry Canada). How does that work? "Outsourcing" is an unacceptable means of doing business. No, really, it is. No, seriously. You there -- greedy bastard industrialist; greedy bastard businessman -- I'm not engaging in hyperbole on this, I'm speaking honestly. "Outsourcing" is unacceptable.

I have been part of the Canadian Brain Drain into the United States since 2000. Before that, I was draining my brain working in Ireland. There are no jobs in Canada. So, I'm curious how the magicians in the Immigration Department are going to address this situation. No jobs: more people to fill these non-existent jobs.

The answer? All of Canada must move to Ottawa and breathe its drug-tainted air, drink its LSD-invigorated water, and share in the delusion of our leaders.

The Position of GG Should Go Bye-Bye

Absolutely no offense is intended toward Gov. Gen. Michaëlle Jean. She's an attractive, amiable-seeming person who has an open invitation to visit my home to watch movies and eat pizza whenever she is free and in the area. But I think it's time Canada eradicated the position of Governor General. It's a symbol, and as George Carlin once said, "I leave symbols to the symbol-minded."

"But she's an ambassador for Canada," GG lovers might say.

Guess what, Canada already has ambassadors around the world.

While the Americans grapple with post-9/11 existence, Canadians have been through the looking glass far too long with the Liberal Party, and I think the process of re-grounding ourselves should begin with the elimination of the position of Governor General. Then it should further the process back toward reality by dismissing every last sitting senator and cancelling their pay cheques and pensions.

The days of figureheads, symbolic positions, unelected voices in policy, and general sucking at the Public Teat are over. The 20th Century was the American century, but with the dawning of George W. Bush as a World Cancer, I think it's time Canada got its shit together and stepped up to a leadership position in the world.

There are many uncountable stumbling blocks to Canada reorienting itself in the real world, chief among them: Toronto. Yes, that Liberal purgatory, better known by its scientific designation "megalopolis", must squeeze its collective head out of its ass and expand its vision beyond its pedantically-named-British-Empire-loving streets, and realize that it's still part of a country as a whole.

I don't believe coercion should ever be part of the voting process, but if Toronto goes "Liberal" in one more federal election, I say that Toronto then should shoulder Canada's entire tax burden. If they are so determined to strap on this feedbag filled with shit, then I say let them eat -- heartily.

Also, along this convalescent's road to recovery, Canada must terminate every single civil servant. Not their positions. We need out Social Safety Net, we need our public services -- but we need them to work. And right now they are not working for Canadians. We have far too many bitter, entrenched bureaucraps jockeying desks on the public payroll, creating procedural messes that are beyond the membership of MENSA untangling. Our bureaucraps are lazy, myopic, bitter, constrained...

Am I saying that more money should be flooding out to people with their hands out? No. But I know of too many instances where our Social Safety Net funds are being misspent with no hope of correction because the desk jockeys facilitating this fleecing do not have the character or wherewithal to halt the abuse.

Moreover, I believe law enforcement should play a larger role in corporate life. There should never, never, never be another Nortel-like financial disaster in this country. The people beyond the Nortel debacle should all be jailed. No feather-duster-spankings for these miscreants. It's all too easy for citizens in my tax bracket to focus on the poor, on the welfare recipient because their "income" level is within $50,000 of our own. Whereas, the corporate swine of this country have an income level that's not within $10 million of ours. So, we go after the easier target.

If it were possible for Canadians to put down their TV remote controls, golf clubs, and lawnmowers/snowblowers long enough to write a letter, phone in a complaint to our Animal Farm government, maybe we can begin moving back toward the light of reason. Begin with eradicating the position of Governor General. Then the Senate. Then the bureacraps. There is no Bastille for us to rush, and maybe that's the problem -- no centralized symbol to attack with bricks and profanity. But if there is one Canadian patriot in Ottawa and each provincial capital who could list the favorite restaurants of our leaders, I say the people should converge on these places and spoil a few meals.

In the meantime, let's finally vote the assholes out of office.

Premature Obituary for Brian Mulroney: The Most Despised Prime Minister in Canadian History

Brian Mulroney
Died As He Lived:
In His Sleep

GST

O, Quebec - You Throbbing Ingrown Toenail

On CBC.com today: "Quebec poet and singer-songwriter Raymond Lévesque, who was set to receive one of the country's highest artistic honours next week, announced Tuesday that he will not accept the accolade because of his separatist beliefs."

I will say it, here and now: Fuck Quebec Separatism.

Nothing illustrated the incorrigible, unapproachable, unfathomable nature of the Quebec mindset, for me, than hearing about the FLQ members -- famous for blowing up a mailbox and killing a diplomat in 1970 -- who managed to escape to Cuba after their brief terrorist campaign. It seemed they had escaped Canadian justice (such as it is). What they could not outrun, however, was their own Quebec-ness -- they soon found themselves unable to live among the Cubans. They then jetted off for France, the supposed Mother Country. And what happened? These Quebecois could not live among the French. So, they returned to Canada, endured their feather-duster-spankings administered by Canadian Judas-Prudence, and now reside among their own.

Ten years ago, when talk of "Quebec Separation" had reached yet another spike of intensity, I read an article in the Globe & Mail explaining that Quebec did not seek actual separation, it sought/seeks "Quebec Separation" -- meaning, it would require all sorts of Canadian aid, help, chairty, benefits, subsidy and other handouts in order to exist and survive: like an adult asking his parents to pay his rent, for his groceries, cable bill, entertainment expenses, car, cigarettes, pornography, high-speed Internet, video rentals, clothing, shoes, haircuts, shoelaces, all the while paying this brain-damaged adult-child a weekly stipend -- and then declaring himself independent. This is what "Quebec Separation" entails.

That Globe & Mail article cited examples from around the world in which small sections of various countries had separated only to languish like a lizards on stones because the trading partners of the countries they had abandoned did not want to cause offense by trading with these rogue pieces of geography.

It's time to talk real, workable, permanent solutions to the "Quebec Problem." Every household surrounding the Quebec border should be issued a Government of Canada chainsaw and physically cut Quebec loose. Let Quebec attempt trade with America. We'll see how fast American business adopts French as its official language. Before night falls on the day Canada cuts Quebec loose in this manner, Quebec would be invaded and conquered by either the Azores, Lichtenstein, Estonia, Fiji, or Newfoundland.

My surname is "St. Amand" -- Ottawa French, not Quebec, as my francophone grandmother always pointed out. Yes, there's a difference. I do not speak French, though I wish I did so that I could read Voltaire and Camus in their native language. I'm not anti-Quebec per se, I am merely against stupidity, against bitchy incorrigible complaining, against sneering petulant disloyalty.

Quebec is the college roommate who eats all of your food, never flushes after using the toilet, blows snot on the kitchen floor, cuts its toenails over your pillow, takes your CDs without asking and scratches them beyond use, borrows your car and leaves it with no gas, a dented fender, cigarette burns in the seats, and the keys locked inside.

I have visited Quebec twice in my lifetime and enjoyed myself immensely. It's a crime that that beautiful province is in the hands of Quebeckers. I am not against Quebec, I am against the Quebec mentality, very similar to the autoworker mentality that is all too prevalent in Windsor, Ontario -- the incessant gnashing of teeth, palms extended for handouts, the perpetual whining insistence that one is entitled to ever more, more, more, while forever feeling ripped off and pleading one's pitiful case to whoever will listen, or is simply within earshot. This mentality, this mode of existence is abhorrent to me.

So, "Quebec poet and singer-songwriter Raymond Lévesque" don't receive your Governor General's Award. I don't care.

French is the fastest dying language on earth. It won't be a great day when French finally meets its demise, though it will be glorious hearing the cavernous mute silence emanating from Quebec. Something to look forward to.

CANADA Now Hiring: Taxi Drivers Wanted; Doctors Need Not Apply

I will call her"Myra" (not her real name), and she was an attractive, personable newly graduated physician from Holland who spoke flawless English. She came to Canada seeking to enjoy and contribute to our way of life. She graduated from a reputable Dutch medical school, but was quite willing to submit to whatever testing or examination by Canadian medical bodies and overseers of her credentials in order to verify that she was a top-flight physician.

Canada's Immigration department responded with unaccountable hostility from the moment she sought to practice in Canada. The upshot of the entire situation was that Myra was to sit and wait for more than a year for her case to be considered. She was not permitted to even volunteer, whether it was to simply read to elderly people or read stories to young children. Her medical expertise was more than ignored, it seemed to work against her. MP Herb Gray was either powerless or disinterested to help with the case. Ultimately, after more than a year of maddening bureaucratic red-tape this highly qualified physician -- whom I would trust to perform surgery on me, in a heartbeat; in whose care I would insist to be -- returned to the Netherlands.

A friend of mine -- Canadian born and bred -- is a police officer. A few years ago, a taxi driver who had bizarrely, intentionally jumped the curb of the street on which he was driving, ran down and killed an elderly woman and the child she pushed in a baby carriage. After this, as police responded to the situation, my friend attempted to block the way of this deranged taxi driver with his police vehicle. The taxi driver rammed him, almost killing him.

It came out in court that this deranged taxi driver came to Canada from Iraq -- came to this country after serving in the Iraqi military and murdering a superior officer (he had apparently disobeyed an order and essentially got into a "pissing match" with his superior officer, which culminated in his murdering his superior officer). It was revealed in court that this man's murderous past came out in his hearing with Canadian immigration authorities, all of whom appeared to be quite unbothered about allowing a confessed murderer into Canada. The fact that this man was Iraqi is irrelevant to me. The fact that he was a murderer is what I'm focusing on.

I am not anti-immigrant. My maternal grandfather was an immigrant from Ireland, and many of my friends are either immigrants or the children of immigrants -- all wonderful, hardworking people seeking better lives than they would have had in their home countries; all of whom came to Canada seeking to contribute. I am completely in favor of Canada being a haven for asylum seekers whose lives are in danger in their home countries. I only draw the line with people whose lives are in danger due to criminal activity on their part in their home countries.

The source of my outrage over Myra's situation and the situation involving that murderous Iraqi taxi driver centers on the cloak of incompetence and detachment from common sense and reality that envelopes Canadian policymakers.

Once more I will advance the only solution I so far have for bridging this gap between the reality of Ottawa and the rest of Canada -- every Canadian citizen must move to Ottawa; breathe their air, drink their tap water. Maybe then the lunacy of our laws and policies will finally make sense to folks like me.

Hear Your Host on Paul A. Toth's PodCast

My interview on Paul A. Toth's TothWorld Podcast is now available. It can be downloaded directly from http://tothnews.libsyn.com/, just as you would download any .mp3 file -- that is, right-click and save the file to disk.

You can also access TothWorld via I-Tunes, where you should look for TothWorld: The Paul A. Toth Podcast. It's listed under audio blogs.

My Earth-Shattering Invention Inspired by Tim Horton's

If you are not already aware of the groundbreaking invention by Tim Horton's -- bringing the world some new-fangled, new-Millennium drink called "steeped tea" -- then you must live under a rock. Where I live, this invention by Tim Horton's has been greeted like the invention of glass windows for our houses.

And it's inspired me to do my own experimenting.

After months of laborious effort in my dank, darkened basement I have invented a process by which water can be made to take solid form by subjecting it to frigid temperatures (exact measurements cannot be provided at this time). These "frigid solid water units", as I call them, can then be resized with the use of a hammer and chisel, converting them into "small frigid solid water units", making them not only portable, but of a size that they will fit into drinking glasses filled with liquid beverages, and thus keep these beverages cool. Introducing technology that will keep beverages cool in the hot Canadian climate will doubtless have many beneficial knock-on effects -- not the least of which extending the normal workday from eight hours to fourteen or sixteen hours.

I think my invention has many practical and commercial uses.

For the moment, I am keeping my invention under wraps. I am in the process of patenting my idea, and will soon be in talks with several corporations regarding introducing my invention into commerce.

In the meantime, know that your room-temperature liquid beverages may soon be a thing of the past thanks to the "small-St.-Amand-frigid-water-units" that will be available to the liquid-imbibing public as soon as science, laws, and commerce will allow.

The Image of "Good-For-Nothing"; Crime & Punishment & Sony PlayStation

It's a story that staggers the imagination, triggers the gag reflex, and ought to fill every person of conscience with a seismic sense of outrage: the story of not-quite-six-year-old Jeffrey Baldwin who perished under the inhuman conditions provided him by his grandparents, Norman Kidman and Elva Bottineau.

Globe & Mail story on this case

CBC New story on this case

James Mills, pictured here, lived in the house where Jeffrey died. Mills contented himself playing with a Sony PlayStation while listening to Jeffrey coughing and crying through his final hours of life. Mills did absolutely nothing to help the child.

If this case was not so tragic, maddening and patently avoidable, I would suggest that some filmmaker create an Anime film of James Mills' ideas about "right" and "wrong," so surreal and otherworldly they appear to be. Clearly his co-defendants Norman Kidman and Elva Bottineau each have the moral compass of Adolf Eichmann.

Mills thought enough to point out during questioning that Jeffrey was "a 'dollars and cents' matter for his grandmother, Elva Bottineau." He went on to explain, "The kids were her only source of income. She didn't want to lose that and would do everything in her power not too."

Everything except feed the child, it seems. If what Mills says here is true -- and there is little reason to believe him -- wouldn't it have been in Elva Bottineau's financial interest (at the very bare minimum) to have kept Jeffrey alive? No, it's bad enough hearing that a child was only seen by his grandparents as a "dollars and cents" matter, but so much more fiendishly horrendous to see that poor Jeffrey was not even that.

Where in the name of God were the authorities in charge of Jeffrey Baldwin's case? I'm not up on how foster care works, but surely children are not simply left in someone's care with absolutely no follow-up visits or some minimal amount of contact with authorities. Clearly that's how it went in Jeffrey's case.

This is one of those gut-wrenching crimes and court cases that goes beyond laws being broken, and casts a pall across our humanity.

The Canadian justice system is not up for dealing with a case like this. The justice system's usual tools for meting out justice -- clarvoyance and exhaustively determining what would make lawbreakers' lives better, easier, and more fulfilled -- have no place in this case. Assessing the defendants' likelihood of reoffending has no place here. Having a justice issue an "ah shucks" statement about how sorry the defendants' are, and how they cannot turn back the clock, has no place here. Feather duster spankings have no place here.

No, the facts of the case must be meticulously logged and noted and examined, and the situation viewed from Jeffrey's point of view.

Canada's feather-duster system of Judas-Prudence is not up to this task. Great news for the fiends among us. A tragic realization for the Jeffrey Baldwins who go, at this moment, undiscovered in our country.