Freelance Writing is Like Working for the Bomb Disposal Unit

Greetings from the most abused profession on the planet: freelance writing. People must think we're all descended from St. Matthew, and that our basic function on earth is that of a quasi-corporate Red Cross. To wit: that we work for free. Or, for table scraps. Or, for some unseen Zenful reward. Or, that it's some karmic work-release program; working off transgressions from a previous life.

None of these are true. I'm a freelance writer because writing is what I do best. Our media-driven world would grind to a halt without writers. A few years ago I watched actor Al Pacino receive a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Golden Globes. Without a script from which to work, the man was incoherent. So too is our media without actual writers -- the Internet, email, fax machines, print media, television would all be rendered impotent and dead without writers to make sense of the world for the Great Unwashed. A stark observation, but true nonetheless.

So, when I got a call from Carver Communication in Ottawa, Ontario to be a media monitor in the southwestern sphere of the provice, I took the job. But as it would turn out Carver is run by yet another necrophilic grave-robbing swine who seeks to pay wages that would insult a newspaper delivery boy.

From Ray Lauzon:

...[The job is] very, very straightforward. I think you'll do great. You sound like a very responsible person. With a bit of drive, the future is unlimited. Again, I started as a one person operation five years ago and now we have 30 people working around the country. Similarly, people started working part-time for us and now they're making great $$$$....

When it comes to describing what his employees will earn, Ray Lauzon is a fucking liar.

The job is simple -- I monitor television media in my area, write up summaries about stories that hit on key words or mention the names of Carver's clients. I was to get $1.25 per summary and $20 per item I sold. Ray Lauzon never explained what that meant or how it worked, but freelance work has taught me to be patient. And I was patient until I sent in 73 summaries and learned I would only be paid $91 for my trouble.

The notion there might be a problem with my compensation arose when I neared the end of my first two-week rotation of media videotaping. I saw I would soon be taping over material I had been told was a virtual sure-sell -- i.e. border issues in my area. However, these "sure-sell" items seemed not to have sold. If they didn't sell, that meant I would be hung out to dry for $1.25/summary. So, I wrote to Ray Lauzon, the boss, asking pointblank, how was this worth my while?

He asked what I wanted to be paid. I told him. We agreed on it. But when it came to actually paying me what we agreed upon, suddenly that pay rate wasn't retroactive. Time for the Carver Communications electric eel to violate my posterior. When I resisted this, ole Ray informed me that he was growing short on patience with dealing with me. Ah, shucks, these troublesome goddamned employees seeking to be paid a fair wage. Fuck.

If you're a freelance writer in the vicinity of Onion Field, Ontario, and see that Carver Communications is looking for a "stringer," please know that that's exactly what will become of you -- you will be strung along, and along. Get a route delivering the Pennysaver, instead. You'll earn more money.

If I were an unethical person, I might go after Carver's clients myself as I haven't signed any "non-competitive" contract. However, I wouldn't do such a thing.

A note I sent to the Labour Market Information (LMI) web site:

A company called Carver Communications (http://www.carvercommunications.ca/en_main.html) has advertised jobs on the HRDC -- I was briefly hired by Carver after applying to work for them via the HRDC Web site -- and I think the HRDC should know that Carver Communications completely misrepresents its pay rates and the amount of money contract employees will earn.

Carver professes to pay $1.25 per media summary submitted by one of its "stringers" -- the position I held. If one of Carver's clients buys one of these items, the stringer is paid an additional $20. The problem is, this does not happen. Ray Lauzon, the owner of Carver completely overstates -- and thus, fraudulently misrepresents -- what his clients are buying. For instance, I was told that border issues in my area were an almost certain sell. Among the 73 summaries I submitted to Carver, at least a dozen dealt with border issues. Yet none of these sure-sells sold.

Ray Lauzon can run his "business" any way he likes, but I think it's patently wrong that he fish for perspective suckers on a government of Canada employment database.

As anyone can see, there is no Zen to be found in getting ripped off.

Any balcony heckler reading this could easily make the accusation, "Well, sounds to me like you bring these problems onto yourself." And that would be wholly inaccurate. You see, some of my freelance writing gigs come off without a hitch. Some are even quite satisfying. When clients pay what they agree to pay, when they agree to pay it, things go very smoothly.

My most lucrative freelance gig has involved the writing of a full-length biography of a local industrialist. This has been, hands down, my highest paying gig by a long shot, and also one of the most satisfying and interesting experiences of my life. How does this differ from the debacles, such as I've experienced with drek like Carver Communications? Simple: I produce what I say I'm going to produce, and my client pays what we've agreed will be paid. And our relationship has grown and deepened, and been enormously beneficial on both sides.

Freelance work requires that I sometimes act in good faith. Meaning, that I commence work on a project before money has exchanged hands. And I do this. Carver Communications received top quality work from me. There was absolutely no complaint about the work I submitted. The only problem arose when I sought to be properly and fairly compensated. Short-sighted, tunnel-visioned greed-heads, such as Ray Lauzon, who cannot see past the end of their own wallets, don't understand why or how anyone would seek to be paid fairly. The sun and moon rise and set on their businesses. If they have to suck the marrow from my skull to make a few extra pennies, they will do it. They are confused and rankled by anyone who questions their conduct.

So, when my good faith is abused, I do not sit idly by. As a professional communicator, I make my feelings known -- quickly, vociferously. When I have been screwed-over, I get in the face of the miscreants. They never like this. Greed-heads detest being called on their greed. But they must. And I will continue to do this every time and everywhere it affects me.