Bell Mobility is a Corrupt and Unethical Corporation Whose Business Practices are Sleazy and Possibly Illegal: Continued

The dutiful Bell Mobility customer service reps have replied to my email pleas regarding the seeming insurmountable task of cancelling my wife's cell phone account. My previous post about this frustrating, outrageous situation ruffled some feathers among the Bell Mobility ranks, and that's fine with me. However, reading the replies to my weekend messages that rolled into my Inbox a few minutes ago, it seems I've had Bell Mobility all wrong. There is no incompetence run amok there. They appear to be struggling with an overabundance of proficiency:

Message #1: "My name is Fiona and I have read your message with care. It is my pleasure to assist you in this matter. In response to your request, I have reviewed your account and would like to confirm that your account has been cancelled as of July 18th, 2005. Your final invoice will be printed on August 17th for your review."

Message #2 (arrived seconds after the first): "My name is Eri and I have read your message carefully. I am pleased to assist you in this matter. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and frustrations that this situation may have caused. Upon review of your account, I am pleased to confirm that the above mobile has been cancelled on July 17, 2005. As your account was cancelled on the 17th and your invoices are issued on the 17th, your account balance had yet to be adjusted for the cancellation. In addition, as you will be receiving credits for the June price plan, you will actually be receiving an August statement as well. Your August statement will be your final invoice and will indicate your final balance. I do apologize for any confusion that this has caused."

It's the cell phone account that won't die. Cancelled on July 17th, my wife's account rose from the dead at 12:01 a.m. July 18th to slouch through the Bell Mobility accounting system, a virtual bean-counter-succubus, communing with the other undead accounts in a shadowy, spider-web, red-tape-laden sarcophagus. It's the Bela Lugosi of cell phone accounts, the Christopher Lee, the Gary Oldman -- it's Bram Stoker crossed with Alexander Graham Bell; Poe and Edison; Vlad the Impaler meets Michael J. Sabia, President and Chief Executive Officer, Bell Canada.

The invoice we received dated July 17th is for $75.09.

This succubus hasn't fastened onto my cartoid artery, it's bleeding my household dry via our baby toe. This Venus-fly-trap cell phone account has clamped onto us like we're a sliver of balogna, and it'll feed off of us until we're white and useless as cadaver flesh.

How else do corporate executives afford their champagne colonics, chocolate-covered lobster, and paisley Roll Royces in a dying economy? Through the implementation of "mistakes"--wink, wink, nudge, nudge. You know, "unintended" happenings for which apologies can be made after the fact in those few instances when the "unintended" circumstance has been found out. In those instances when the "mistake" is not uncovered, the yachts, the alligator shoes, the sterling silver fencing sets become accessible to the supple hands of those who earn their livings off the backs of so many.

I will think of you every Bastille Day.